Why I'm afraid of switching to "maintanence"

So, by now, I think it's fair to say that I know how to lose weight. I wouldn't say that I've "mastered" it. Because for me, it will never be something I master. I have self-control issues. and I love food. I LOVE food.

I know how to gain weight. Obviously. My weight has yo-yoed. Lose some, then regain more.

What I do not know how to do at all is maintain my weight once I've lost it. It is honestly kind of frightening and difficult for me to decide to stop losing weight. I flip flop from one extreme (overeating) to another (calorie restricting). I don't know how to live "normally" in the middle. I think that this is probably the hardest part of weight loss: Keeping it off and staying at the same weight.

Summer is hard. It's hot out. It's the time of ice cream, and bbqs, and vacation. I have a teenage boy in my house. (and his father who thinks he can still eat like a teenager.) I want to do good, nice things for the family and give them good experiences. Summers are extremely difficult and stressful for me.

Why is food such a comfort? What are the evolutionary/psychological reasons that we eat for comfort? I wish I would have learned about that in school... I'm sure I could make some guesses about dopamine etc., but still.

My friend is getting married in mid-August. My dress is way too big for me (since we purchased it 3 months ago.) I am getting it taken in in a few weeks, and I should probably stop losing weight between then and the wedding. But it is scary and difficult for me to think about stopping losing weight. I keep telling myself that it will be good for me to "practice" maintaining weight and then lose the rest and maintain. The last time that I did weight watchers, they only had a 6 week maintenance period. I do not think that that is sufficient. My hope is to be on "active" maintenance for the same amount of time that I've been "actively" losing weight. I don't want to "quit the plan" at the earliest time. I want to be successful forever.

Therefore, I think that I will be switching to maintenance for the summer. We'll see if I actually do...

Update: [Wed June 22. 0900] I'm going to "enjoy" my summer, and when I return to "life as I know it," I will more actively lose weight. I am thinking that I will still probably lose about half a pound a week, but we'll see.

Step 8. Be proud.

I've been called a "skinny bitch." More than once. :-) I actually love being called a skinny bitch. Because the way they're not calling me a bitch in a bad way. They are recognizing the work that I have done. They are honoring the decisions that I've made. I chose smaller portions and low-fat and low-sugar options, when everyone else is not.

I've been called a "health nut." Yeah, I NEVER imagined that one happening.

My clothes fall off of me. Literally. 2 months into losing weight, I went and bought some jeans, since I didn't have any to wear to work. 3 months ago, I changed jobs and needed new clothes. Those clothes are falling off of me. Wow.

I've learned so much about nutrition and health. That's pretty cool.

I am inspiring others.

I've found ways to eat things I like, without breaking the caloric bank.

I still eat cake, cookies, chocolate, candy, and ice cream. When I was first starting to lose weight, I was so proud of myself when I had a slice of pizza. Because I had A slice of pizza instead of a pizza. I didn't feel bad about myself when I "slipped." Which is the great thing about WW, eating "junk food" isn't "cheating." The plan accommodates for it. I congratulated myself for my self-control and recognized the accomplishment of eating one piece of pizza instead of 6. and I really really really love that I can still lose weight while eating a few pieces of chocolate a day.

Step 7. Do it.

Be realistic. Every week isn't going to be a good/great week. Learn from it, and move on.

Be honest with yourself. I have been shocked when I actually looked up the nutrition facts on some of the foods I've eaten: "I knew it wouldn't be super healthy, but I sure wasn't expecting it to be THAT BAD." or "What do you mean it's an entire meal's worth of food?! Are you kidding me? I thought it was healthy!" And then there's the times: "Seriously, what I thought was a disaster choice wasn't?! Yippee!"

You HAVE to track what you eat. You HAVE to look up the nutrition facts. This is not negotiable. I say this because I have a friend who's "on weight watchers" except she doesn't know the points values for ANYTHING. She's just "watching what she eats" and "knowing that I'm on the plan makes me make better decisions." Except she's not losing weight. And doesn't know why. and doesn't listen when I say she should look up the values of what she eats. (I know the values of what I've seen her eat, or heard her tell me she's eaten. I'm so not surprised at all.) "Watching what you eat" DOES NOT WORK. Unless you actually know what you're eating, but she doesn't. There are days and weeks where I don't track as strictly as I should. However, because I have memorized the nutrition facts for my favorite foods, I still know how to make better decisions. But when I stop actually thinking (or caring) about what I eat, is when I gain 4 lbs in 4 days. (Yeah, it happened.)

I will say it again, WEIGHT LOSS IS A MARATHON AND NOT A SPRINT. Man, I know it's hard. We all want it to be a sprint. I definitely struggle with this. A healthy rate of weight loss is 1-2 pounds per week. I am in that range. When I get on the scale and I've lost a good number that week, I wonder to myself "If I hadn't had that cookie, would the number be higher?" That's terrible! Why do I think like that? Because I want to be super skinny NOW. I don't want to take a long time to get to the finish line. Yet, when I lose a small amount of weight for the week, I console myself by saying that the longer it takes me to lose the weight, the more likely the weight will be to stay off because it's more likely to have become a habit.

Is your weight-management plan livable? On days when I start thinking, "I can't wait until I'm done with weight watchers" are the days that I know I'm still in trouble. I cannot think of this as a diet. I will fail if I think I will be done with it. I need to be conscious of my nutrition for the rest of my life. When I gained 4 lbs in 4 days, I reverted back to the old me. I've been on the plan for 6 months, but it was that easy to go back to my old eating habits. :-(

I weigh myself every day. I know that "they" say you're not supposed to, but I do. Because I do "cheat" sometimes. Nutrition information for everything we eat isn't available. So I have to do some guesswork. I use the scale to inform my guesswork. If my weight is trending up for a few days, I stay stricter on the plan to get it back where it should be.

I don't like saying that weight loss is work. It takes effort and thought. It doesn't just take care of itself. But it is easy. Or at least, it can be easy. We decide whether it is hard or easy for us to lose weight. Yes, your body determines the rate of weight lost, but our psyche is what makes it hard for us to handle. We always want more, faster! While at the same time, we want our cake, and pizza too!

Step 6. Make goals.

Make realistic goals. Are you doing what you need to do to achieve that goal? Weight loss is definitely a marathon, not a sprint.
Measure your success. Take your measurements. It's amazing to look back and say, "really, I had that many inches on my thighs? Wow."

I had both quantitative and qualitative goals.
I wanted to "feel better about myself." "Fit in clothes better." "Wear a bathing suit." "Have less flabby arms." "Have toned thighs." "Have a firmer core." I want to look like an athlete. Is that a realistic goal? Yes- because I know that it is going to take work, and I know what I have to do to get there.

My original goal was to lose 30 lbs. I wanted to lose 5 lbs per month. I made myself a spreadsheet of my goals. As I got to 20 lbs lost and realized, "Did I really just do that?" I made a more aggressive goal, I decided to lose 40 lbs.

As I hit 25 lbs lost, a bunch of people started telling me that I was losing "too much weight" and that I "needed to stop losing weight or I'd disappear." Now, I had noticed that my face was thinner. I did think, "I hope I stop losing weight in my face, I'm happy with my face the way it is now." Then I noticed that my hip bones were sticking out a lot. (I then noticed that that was only during certain exercises, and not all the time.) I asked my husband what he thought about how much weight I'd lost: was it enough? He said to lose 10 more and if that was too much to gain 5 back. I hadn't taken my measurements in months.

When I got my fancy scale, I set goals for where I wanted my Body Fat, Water Weight, Muscle Mass, BMR, Visceral Fat, Metabolic Age, Bone Weight, and Physique Rating to be. I made a spread sheet of what each goal was, and where I expected to be each month toward those goals. For the first 6 weeks I did really well in getting the numbers better. Not so much for the last 4 weeks. Grrr.

When I took my measurements, I had some great changes. I'd noticed that my pants were literally falling off of me and that I needed to throw them in the basement for a good reason. I pulled my old clothes out of the basement. A lot of those are now in the "too big to wear" category. Yay. Looking back, I've lost a LOT of inches. However, the act of taking my measurements also helped me really see myself. Yeah, the weight on the scale's looking good, and other people are saying to stop. But is my body really where I want it? No, it's not. I looked at the places where the extra fat is still hanging. That re-motivated me to keep losing weight, because I'm not where I want my body to be.

I truly believe that people should have goals. How can you assess what you've done, if you have not set any guidelines to measure against? I feel that without goals, people just flounder about. People need direction. Lack of direction gets us in trouble. What do you want out of this life? Or are you just here for the ride?

Step 5: Figure out your weight management plan.

Now that you're actually committed to losing weight and you're ready to take the plunge, how are you doing to do it?

We're going to go back to the honesty issue again. Have you been honest with yourself and accepted that weight loss is a marathon and not a sprint? It doesn't happen overnight.

What do you expect out of your weight loss plan? Are your expectations realistic?

What are you willing to put into it?

How are you going to handle set-backs?

Is your weight-management plan livable? So, you've got a plan for losing weight. Great. What's your plan for making sure it doesn't come back?

This article does a good job analyzing different "diets" that are available.

I'd tried "counting calories" before, but it was REALLY hard for me. It seemed like I got barely anything to eat at all.

I'd tried atkins once. I lasted one day. I was freaking STARVING. I'd eaten food, I wasn't starving myself, but I didn't feel full. At all. I was ravenous.

Also, I don't believe in "fad diets." If the name "Fad" is in the title, that should be a pretty good warning sign. I don't believe in miracles or quick fixes. I believe in good 'ole work. (That being said, I've gotten on the scale and exclaimed "it's a miracle!" Because WW hasn't been work for me at all. It's easy." Quite frankly, the principle behind HCG scares me. I also just don't believe in diets. Once you're off the diet, the weight comes back. I needed something that was livable.

I chose Weight Watchers because I'd done it twice before. I was 13 and 16 years old. I was successful both times. But obviously, I'd put the weight back on. and I know exactly why that happened. My mother controlled my food when I was on WW before. My mother controlled my weight loss. Yes, again, it was me putting the food in my mouth, and I could have chosen other items when I was out of the house, but I didn't learn ANYTHING about healthy eating when I was on WW in the past.

I do WW online because I spend 40 hours a week staring at the computer, bored out of my mind. I work 80 hours a week, I so do not have time to go to meetings. I'm of the "internet generation," and I've had no troubles finding all the info and tips I need online. I love weight watchers because I have learned so much about the impact of what I eat. Is a piece of pizza really worth it? Um, yes, but not to the extreme that I used to take it. Can I eat a cookie? Yes. and I do. But one cookie instead of 4.

Step 4. Commit to losing weight. NOW.

It took me a year of "trying to lose weight" to actually lose weight. I was not committed to actually losing weight. I lacked conviction. I lacked follow through.

One day, sitting in my cubicle at work, I decided "I'm going to join Weight Watchers today." So I did.

I started Weight Watchers on December 22nd. 3 days before Christmas. The day of my company's Christmas Party. People thought I was crazy. I wasn't. I was done with all the BS. "Someday Isle" had come. I was doing this, and I was doing this now, damnit! I had my motivation and I wasn't going to make anymore excuses. I was fed up, and I wanted to change, and I wanted to change NOW. I texted my husband and said "FYI, I just signed up for Weight Watchers. I hope that's okay." There was no discussion of "is now the best time, blah blah blah." I was finally ready to quit putting it off and quit pretending it didn't need to be done. Whew. Finally.

It's kind of funny that I started losing weight 2 weeks before New Year's. I'm sure people thought it was strange. They were probably already planning their "New Year's Resolutions" lists and I'm sure that losing weight was near the top. But really, why do you allow the calendar to dictate your health decisions? That's crazy. When you're ready, you're ready. Go for it. I was glad that I chose to join WW when I did, because I'm sure that if it was a "New Year's Resolution," I would have been less successful. For most people, NYRs are a whim. Kind of like what I said in step 1. We want to achieve this change, without actually doing any of the work to change. NYRs are expected to fail. Within days. I've now been on WW for almost 6 months. I'm still trucking along.

I can't remember what the original conversation was about, but my husband was asking if I was sure that I wanted to do something. and I replied, "There's no time like the present." He wrote it on our fridge. There's no time like now. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. What are you waiting for? If you were to die today, are you happy? Are you where you want to be? If not, do something! You need to be satisfied. We only get one life. Don't waste it. Even though I haven't accomplished all my goals, I am happy. If I died today, I'd be happy, because at least I'm doing what I need to do to get where I want to go. In case you never make it to your destination, be happy with the journey.

Step 3. Discover the reasons you want to lose weight and why you won't quit. Also known as- "Get Motivated, Stay Motivated"

So, I've realized that I want to lose weight, and I've stopped kidding myself about it. But what now?

You have to have an impetus to start losing weight. You also have to have a reason to cling to when you start getting frustrated, bored, or tired of the effort of losing weight. Eating poorly is so much easier than being healthy. So why is it worth it for you to become healthy and to not give up? Although motivation and goals are related, I don't think that they are the same.

Motivator #1 (also known as My Impetus): Self-esteem: I didn't want to feel bad about myself anymore.
I didn't lose weight for vanity. I lost weight for how I felt. I didn't feel bad when I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were blind to the changes my body had taken. My pants were not. Every day when I tried to put on a pair of pants, they screamed at me: "You fatty, you cannot fit into me. RAWR!!!" and THAT made me feel bad. Waking up every morning to have that message everywhere you turn in your closet. Yikes. I refused to buy a new wardrobe. I decided to make a change in my life and to lose weight, instead of buying a bunch of new clothes. I had busted the buckle off of a pair of jeans. My thighs had rubbed holes into another pair of jeans. My 3rd pair of jeans wouldn't close at all. (I write this post while wearing that 3rd pair of jeans, btw.)

I went through my closet and pulled out all of the clothes that I tried to wear everyday, that didn't fit, and that frustrated me to try. I threw them all down the stairs into the basement. I left them there. I assume my husband moved them from there (thanks honey.) I did this because I decided that I wasn't going to feel bad about myself everyday anymore. I wasn't going to try in vain to wear those clothes anymore. I didn't need to get discouraged anymore. I'd "turned that corner." I was going to change. Not fitting in my clothes was my motivation, but I wasn't going to let myself feel bad for not fitting in them. They had to be out of sight.

Motivator #2: Losing weight made me feel good.
Not only did I not feel bad about myself, I actually felt good about myself. I am in control, and that's powerful. I am not a quitter. I am stubborn. I do not fail. I felt proud that I had made a decision to lose weight, and that I was following through on it. I had accomplished something.

Motivator #3: Health. (Kinda funny that "being healthy" came so far down the list. More of that denial stuff, I didn't realize I was unhealthy. Matter of fact, I never thought about health at all.)
Step 3 is an ongoing process. As I lost more weight, and learned more about health, I wanted to become more healthy. I bought a Tanita scale (hereby referred to as "my fancy scale"). It uses electrodes to analyze Weight, Body Fat, Water Weight, Muscle Mass, BMR, Visceral Fat, Metabolic Age, Bone Weight, and then gives your body a Physique Rating. I was shocked when I used it. My Physique was "Small Frame Obese." What do you mean I'm obese?! I've lost 15 lbs! That was an eye-opener. My metabolic age was 15 years older than my real age. That's terrifying and sad. As I reached my 20 lb weight loss milestone, I stopped seeing results in my measurements. I started losing the weight slower. I'd read enough now to know that there was more to health than one measurement (weight). Now I had other measures of the changes (improvements) I was making to my body. More on this when I get to Step 6: Make Goals.

Motivator #4: Vanity.
My husband's main mode of transportation for the last year and a half has been his bicycle. He has amazing legs. Wow. I like his legs a lot. They are literally hard as rocks.
I hate my thighs. Hate, hate, hate. Always have. Man, I want thighs like his. I WILL have thighs like his. Even if it takes me four years to get there. Luckily, I am a cyclist. I became a cyclist. I love cycling. LOVE cycling. Truely, deeply, honestly. I am in love with my bike. I love it. I think about it all the time. I wish I could spend more time on my bike. Dear Bike, I <3 you.
I also like to look cute. Cycling clothes can be really cute. Do you know what's not cute? THUNDER THIGHS in my cycling shorts. If ever I need a reminder of why I haven't upped my caloric intake yet, put on my cycling shorts. Is that acceptable to you? Nope! Then step away from the pizza menu.

Step 2. Stop being in denial.

It seems kind of contradictory that this is step 2 and not step 1: "If I know I want to lose weight, how can I still be in denial?" Pretty dang easily, that's how. Again, most of us want to lose weight, but we don't want to confront the reasons why we put the weight on. We don't want to realize we've been making poor dietary decisions. We don't want to have to put the effort into changing and getting healthier. Vaguely knowing in the back of your mind that you need to lose weight requires much less internal confrontation than actually working to change your habits. Ouch. Realizing that you actually really do need to lose weight and making the decision to change hurts. You have to realize that you're not the best you that you should be.

I remained in step 1 for almost 12 months. I had superficial reasons for wanting to lose weight, but at the end of the day, I didn't really care whether I lost the weight or not. I just thought about it for a few minutes, and then let it flicker away. I'd think about losing the weight for my wedding and then say to myself "but I'd rather have this pizza. The pizza feels better right now." My weight wasn't having enough of a negative impact on my life for me to really try to change. I was blind to my weight problem. [I just deleted all the pictures from my wedding where I looked "too fat"- unfortunately, there were a lot of them. :-( ] Even after I got the pictures and was dissatisfied with how fat I was, I kept shoveling all that food into my mouth. I remember sitting at work eating yet another banana split and thinking "I can eat whatever I want." I honestly did not care. It disgusts me to look back at how I thought and how I ate. Wow.

There are lots of reasons why I gained the weight I did. (Peer pressure, stress caused by peers, never learning about proper nutrition, etc.) But really, who cares why I gained the weight? I cannot blame those situations and influences because ultimately, it's my hand moving to my mouth and my teeth doing the chewing.

Another easy way to stay in denial is to listen to others. Shut them up. They're not you. When I finally did start weight watchers, some of my overweight coworkers told me "Why are you doing Weight Watchers? You don't need to lose weight!" That wasn't true, and I knew it. I had done a really good job hiding my size/"problem areas" with the clothing that I wore. It was obvious that I was overweight. Especially when compared to other people. Hands down, I was the smallest person in the company. So compared to them, no I didn't have weight to lose, they'd all be lucky to be as small as I was at my biggest. Just because someone else's problem may be "bigger" than yours, doesn' t mean that your problem doesn't exist or need to be addressed.

One of the most important things to losing weight is honesty. If you're in denial, you're not being honest with yourself. To lose weight, you have to be honest.

Step 1. Decide you want to lose weight.

Nearly everyone in America has already achieved step 1. This shouldn't be a hard step. Most of us "want" to lose weight. But most of us think it's just going to happen without making any lifestyle changes. Uh, America, Get real. Thanks.

Here's my experience with Step 1:
Step 1. I was at step 1 for a very long time. In early (Jan) 2010 I told myself that I would finally go join Weight Watchers when I got a permanent position at the company I was contracted to work for. I told myself that "once I had that job, I'd have the money to afford WW." Shortly thereafter (Feb), I got that permanent position. Did I follow through on my "someday isle" promise to myself? Haha. Of course not.

Step 1. Later in 2010 (June), I got married. As we planned the wedding, I told myself, "I'm going to lose weight for the wedding." My strategy was to "think more about my eating and have more self-control." Did I succeed? Uh, no. (As a side note, I got married a week after my graduation. So lots of pictures were taken of me just a week apart. I look like I gained a LOT of weight between those 10 days. Wow.)

Step 1. December 2010, I cried and tantrumed every morning when I tried to get ready for work because NONE of my clothes fit. I was miserable. I started out everyday frustrated and pissed off. Not worth it. What the hell was my problem?! This is when I really decided and that I was actually going to lose the weight.

Hmm. Obviously, Step 1 isn't enough. Knowing you want to lose weight isn't enough. There's MUCH more to losing weight than a desire. "If wishes were fishes" as they say. I knew I needed to lose weight for an entire year before I actually began losing weight. In that year of wanting to lose weight, I actually gained a lot more weight. I thought I had motivation. Wasn't a wedding a good reason to lose weight? Yeah, it should have been, so why didn't it work?

A Week of Weight Loss

There's ton's of advice out there on how to lose weight. Blah blah blah. Here's my take on it. [No purchase necessary- just patience, as it's WAY too long for one post. It'll be good practice, since weight loss takes patience ;) ].

Step 1. Decide you want to lose weight.
Step 2. Stop being in denial.
Step 3. Realize why you want to lose weight. Also known as "get motivated".
Step 4. Commit to losing weight. Now.
Step 5. Figure out your weight loss plan.
Step 6. Make goals.
Step 7. Do it.
Step 8. Be proud.

Disclaimer: Do not follow the steps firmly. You do not have to complete Step 3. before moving on to Step 4. Many of the steps occur simultaneously. Some of the steps never end. Like Step 8. Can we live in Step 8 forever?