Happy Anniversary, Baby!Wow. One year.
:-)
It was hard. I (foolishly) didn't believe all the things that people told me would change after we got married. That somehow, things are different. They were right. See that, written proof. You were right. I was wrong. Damn. The first year was HARD. Definitely an adjustment. Learning how to balance the needs of two people and manage for long-term success. But it was very worth it. Honestly, if we hadn't been married, I don't know if we could have made it through the hardships of the last year together. The hassle of having to get a divorce forced us to stick around long enough for things to work out. Without having been married, one of us could have just walked away much easier. I am very glad that we're married and that we made it through the tough stuff, because it's so much better on the other side.
Marriage is important. I know it's "just a stupid piece of paper," a contract between two people, just like any other contract. It's a reason to get a tax break. Yadda yadda yadda. But it's not. It's so much more than that. Knowing you're committed to each other, saying you want to be together forever, etc. isn't enough. You have to declare that to everyone else (and make it a lot trickier for you to leave when the going gets tough).
Marriage means something to the society in which you live. It affects the way everyone else treats you. That's why "the gays" want the right so badly. The difference in connotation between the words "girlfriend" and "wife" (or "spouse" or "partner") are huge. It tells the world that you take your relationship seriously. You can have lots of girlfriends, hopefully they don't all become your wife. Marriage tells the world that you will protect it and fight for it and work for it. It's not something you're just going to throw away easily. You're telling everyone that you value your partner and your relationship. You can disrespect your friend's girlfriend, but don't you mess with his wife. I think people respect you more if you're the "husband" instead of the "boyfriend." If your boyfriend's dad gets hurt or dies, will your boss think it's as urgent that you leave work than if it's your father-in-law? Until you're married, they don't belong to you. They're a relation to someone else, and you're less connected to them. But that goes another way too. When you're dating someone, their baggage is less important. Once you get married, you realize that their baggage becomes your baggage, and you have to learn to deal with that for the rest of your life. Until you're actually going to be together for the long-term, what do you care about resolving their baggage? It's theirs. Not yours. It changes once you know that it will affect you forever.
Knowing you're married to someone gives you a sense of security, or doom, depending. On a bad day, you're like "really, I'm stuck to this?! Forever?!" That's a sucky feeling, but remember, the person you're with probably thinks the exact same thing about being with you sometimes too. :-) But on good days, you're just overwhelmingly happy that you get to be with this person for a long time. You look at the life that you've built together and feel joy. You eagerly await growing more and more together. It's nice to have a partner, someone you can count on to pick up your slack when you're struggling. Someone to help you. Being married is great, and if you get married to the right person, it's MUCH better than not being married.
This picture on the right wasn't staged, btw. It's candid from us dancing at our wedding.
I woke up this morning and thought "I'm a wife. Wow. Who'da thought that?" :-)
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