Barriers to taking action

I received this comment today about yesterday's blog:

"oh MAN. that blog post hit me right where it counts. the issue of homelessness has been such a huge topic of interest to me, and such a struggle. I want to love them just like I do everyone else, but I almost ALWAYS give in to fear. I fear the awkward exchange that might take place. I fear what others may think as they walk past. I fear the silence I might encounter, etc. But averting my eyes and pretending I don't see doesn't help."

The complicated issue for me of homelessness is recognition. I want to help, but I don't want people to think I'm helping to show off. You know? I want to ask my coworkers who leave the building if the homeless guy is still there, so I can bring him lunch, but I don't want them to think I'm asking for attention/recognition. (I almost NEVER leave my desk. I don't take lunch breaks.) I don't want to seem like I'm bragging by talking about it... I want to inspire others, but I do not want to be an inspiration- if you understand the difference?

I feel slightly guilty for taking pleasure out of it. I was 2.5 hours late to work today, so I didn't see him, I guess he moved somewhere else, idk. I am hoping to build a rapport with him and to get to know his story, but again, that's for my personal gain: because I have always been curious about the issue.

When they ask for money, I tell them that I never carry cash, but that there's a down the street, and what would they like? A jacket? Shoes? Something to drink? Have they eaten today?

I feel that this action is more meaningful... But that could just be a cop-out to making myself feel better about it. I do not trust that they won't go buy drugs, booze, cigarettes, or junk food with the money. I am controlling... I know that. I want to make sure that they're getting proper nutrition by handing them fruit or a prepared meal. I don't want to give someone $1. I would rather spend $20 on lunch or a gift card to a restaurant, etc.

I also feel that handing them some change is TOO easy. There's no personal interaction. Does the homeless person feel cared for when you drop them some change? Do they feel more human when we stop and ask about their needs? I have no way of knowing, but I have my assumptions.

I have really only had interactions with 3 homeless people, one being the guy in yesterday's post.
One day, when I was walking downtown, a woman approached me (she was very close to me, in my face, I thought she might try to mug me) and asked for some money for bus fare. I told her that I didn't have any money to give, but that I would walk with her to the trax station (right across the street) and buy her a ticket. She got this demonic look on her face and yelled "WELL FINE!" and RAN off. She honestly looked like she was possessed, the look of hate on her face and how rapidly her demeanor changed when I offered my alternative. It was very disconcerting.

In college, I knew I wasn't going to use up my meal plan, so I used it to buy a bag of no-cook, no-refrigeration needed groceries and then I took it to the homeless guy I saw every day. He said "God Bless You" when he took the groceries. I also stopped at a place that had a "now hiring" sign up and asked for an application. They were very excited, thinking that the application was for me. They acted like they wanted to hire me on the spot. I told them that the application wasn't for me, but for the homeless guy who frequents the area. They pretty much said not to bother. That experience really opened my eyes to the barriers that homeless people experience to finding employment. White, middle-class America thinks that they should just get a job and fix their own problems... But if employers aren't willing to give them the opportunity? WTH. We've got some problems here. How is a homeless person supposed to get a job if they can't clean up and look presentable for an interview? :-(