How to "Make friends and influence people" in a correctional facility

I have been working in a low security correctional setting for almost a year now.

It is HARD.

In my interview, my boss told me that it would be hard, and that the residents would test my boundaries and try to manipulate me, etc. I believed that I could handle it. I can. I have. I have definitely made mistakes. There is a HUGE adjustment period to the job. Some staff don't understand this. They think that after 40 hours of training they're equal in skill to the people who've been here longer. On the flip side, there are some people with YEARS of experience who still haven't mastered the nuances of the job.

That's the hard part. The nuances.

On each shift, we have a series of tasks that we have to oversee/complete. They're necessary for the daily running of the facility. You learn to master that in your 40 hours of training.

But there is SO MUCH MORE to the job than that. and we do not do an adequate job of training for that.

We have over 100 inmates physically living in the building. We have anywhere from 2-5 people on duty to manage those 100 people. They are people. They have emotions. Their lives are complicated. They are stressed about work, and money, and the relationships with their families. It is hard for them. Staff are people too. People are petty. People are poor communicators. People have poor personal insight. Imagine trying to keep over 100 people safe. Being responsible for 100 people. Living people. Active people. If they all lived in cells and we had nightsticks, maybe it would be easier. But we don't. If staff does not respond to inmates in the correct manner, no one benefits. A night in the facility is harder for everyone.

Dear inmates and staff, We are not here to make friends. We are here to help people transition into contributing members of society. I can be nice to you. I can be polite. I can stop and talk to you when you strike up a conversation with me. I will not be rude to you. If I am rude to you, I will take ownership of the slight and explain to you why my unintentional actions were likely perceived that way. and I will apologize for making you feel lesser.

In my opinion, this is the trick of doing my job well. This is how I help people and help the facility. When I have open and honest communication with the residents, they see me as a real person. and I see them as a real person. We're not pals or buds, but we're no longer combatants on different sides of the war between "cops" and "inmates." I refer to this as having rapport or a good working relationship with the inmates. and it makes my job so much easier.

Let's say that Staff X has enforced a rule on Resident A and resident A feels that Staff X was rude in how they did it. Let's say that I have a good working relationship with Resident A. I can pull him/her aside and talk to him/her about the situation. I can explain where staff is coming from while also validating the resident's thoughts and feelings. I can prevent the situation from escalating and having a tense facility for the rest of the evening.

I think this is my greatest strength at work: honesty and earnestness and validation of their feelings. Most of what people want on this Earth is to feel heard and understood. We want to know that we're okay the way we are with our emotions and beliefs. In a world where we want to sweep everything under the rug and pretend that everything is okay, it is a breath of fresh air when I tell the residents, "You're right. The situation sucks. The bureaucracy is not best serving you in this situation. I know. There are definitely things that we could do better for you. I am sorry that things aren't better than they are. However, I do not have any power to change those things. I understand your concerns, but I can't fix the problem." and really, they know this. But they want to know that I know this. They want to vent, and they won't stop venting and let me do my job until they feel heard and understood.

I have a good working relationship with the residents because they know where I stand. Each staff member needs to choose where we stand. I have to do my job. I have to enforce the rules. I am consistent. Staff has to be consistent. You cannot pick and choose the situations in which you administer the proper disciplinary protocol. If one of the residents that I have the good working relationship with breaks the rules, I will enforce the rules on him/her, just like I will on the jerk who is rude every time he comes in. The residents also know that I will do whatever is within my rights to help them. If staff has made a mistake, even if I wasn't the one who did it, I will do everything I can to make sure it is corrected. I won't just say "suck it up and deal."

However, I do tell the residents to "suck it up and deal" (but not in a rude way.) Failure to plan ahead on your part, does not lead to an emergency on my part. I will explain what could have been done to prevent the problem, and that there is nothing I can do for you at this time. I will apologize for the situation, but let them know how it will be. When the residents lament the imperfections in the program, I validate them and then say, "Unfortunately, you have to suck it up and deal. There is nothing that can change it, and you are increasing your suffering by refusing to accept the situation. You don't have to pretend that the situation isn't the way it is, but you have to learn to adapt and live with it and move on."

In conclusion, you don't make friends in a correctional facility; rather, influence people to trust you and to work with you.

(And for the record, I've never read the book How to Make Friends and Influence People, but my husband has, and he sure has influenced me.)