Great things my parents did

I hate holidays. Can I say it again? I hate them. So now that the holiday is over, I can stop being bitter about it and say something nice and meaningful.

My parents did a really good job. I've probably never told them this. I hate it when I'm wrong and someone else was right. Grrr. My parents were right. Someday, I'd grow up and realize why they did all the terrible things they did to me to "ruin my life." Fine. It happened. I admit it? I'll get off my high-horse and go eat some low-cal humble pie.

I am a great person. and it is because of my parents. My parents set me up for success as a small child. Now that I'm an adult and have left the environment in which I was reared, I can see how the places that others chose to raise their kids has negatively impacted them. I was raised in a very high-achieving town. Education was taken very seriously. Almost everyone graduates high school and goes to college. We refer to the town as "the bubble."

In my opinion, good parenting starts when the child is young. Although I believe that there are "crucial years" (early years when you're learning to walk, talk, and use the bathroom, and then the pre-teen and teen years), good parenting starts much earlier than that. My parents had high expectations for me. There was never a question in my mind that I would go to college. None. I never once thought about not going to college. From a YOUNG age (early elementary school), my parents told me that if I got a full-ride scholarship to college, they would buy me any car I wanted with the money that had been saved for my college. So, the goal wasn't to go to college, the goal was to not pay for college so I could have something else with the money. (BTW, I did get a full-tuition scholarship.)

My parents clearly set expectations and stated what the consequences would be. If I got the full-ride, I'd get a car when I graduated. If I got married before I graduated, my parents would not pay for the rest of my education. If I had an unplanned pregnancy, my parents would not babysit my child or provide housing for us. The message here was "if you want to act like an adult, be prepared to be independent and self-sufficient as adults should be."

My parents bought me books. Not video games. I never had a brand-new gaming system. I got my first one when I was nearly 21 years old, and I bought it for my step-child. My grandmother bought me books. They would give me catalogs from which to buy books. I LOVED reading. I used to get in trouble frequently enough, and I made my mother promise to never ground me from books. Take away friends, take away dessert, take away the TV, but NEVER take away my books. (For Christmas one year when I was in college, every gift I got from my friends contained a book.)

My Sister and I appreciating the view in Athens.

I learned the value of money and that hard work is a good thing. I was raised in a very affluent town. Kids were spoiled! Kids got brand new cars for their 16th birthdays. Not used cars. A lot of kids got BMWs or Lexuses when they turned 16. My dad did give both of us cars too, but they were not new cars. (My best friend got her car as a reward for qualifying for the national debate tourniment.) I never wore name-brand clothing. We shopped at garage sales for books and clothes and toys. (I've never bought anything from Toys-R-Us, either). My sister and I are workaholics. Just like our father. I was bragging to a friend about how much my sister works and how she started working in her career field at the age of 15. The friend said, "Why does your sister work so much when your Dad's loaded?" What sort of a question is that? NEVER give to someone something that is unearned. I wrote out a detailed budget and submitted it to my parents for review when I asked for my allowance. I wrote how I was working over 40 hours a week with class times and homework and that I was receiving excellent performance reviews (grades). I justified each expense (books, food, clothes, etc.) I STILL maintain a budget like this for myself now that I'm an adult.

My Dad taught me a lot about identity. He didn't want any one event or achievement to define me. You are not the bad things that have happened to you. You are not the awards you've received. I have watched some of my friends lose themselves to one part of themselves. I am an multi-faceted human being. I am a wife. I am a care-giver. I love music. I love to dance. I love to read. I am hardworking. I am nerdy. I am a cyclist. I am passionate about multiple things. My life does not revolve around solely one core of my identity. I have more than my work. I have more than my iPod. I have more than my husband. I moved past and beyond who other people wanted me to be, or who other people said I was, or the broken miserable person that I once was. My dad said, "the only thing that never changes is that things are always changing." Are you changing? Or have you been the same person for the last 5 years? Have you learned anything? Have you grown?

My parents made sacrifices for me. They saw what was best for me, and they let me do it. I'm sure it was hard. But it was the best thing they could have ever done for me. My parents let me go. They let me leave them behind and become my own person without them. I am a happy person now. I am most definitely not the person that I was when I left home. I recognized that this was a sacrifice when it happened. My parents let me go. I imagine that it was terrifying. I'm sure that it really really hurt them to let me go in the way that they did. I moved across the country. My parents helped me do it. They supported and encouraged me. I was a rude, mean, hateful, ungrateful brat about it. I was very mad and very hurt. and then I grew up, and got a tattoo, and got over it.

My parents are not saints. My parents made HUGE mistakes. My parents and I have hurt each other a great deal. It took me a very long time to move past the mistakes me parents made, and our relationship is very difficult and strained because of those hard times. But I am still a great person. and it is still because of my parents.